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Helping those affected by crime find understanding, healing, and resolution.
Siva’s Story
Siva had been drinking for years. Not every day, but enough that it had started to take over parts of his life.
He said alcohol was how he dealt with things. Things from when he was younger, things he did not really talk about, and things he had just pushed down for a long time. He had a rough childhood and grew up around a lot of drinking and violence. He left home young and mostly just got on with it.
For a long time he told himself he was okay. But really, when things got hard, he drank. When he felt angry or ashamed, he drank. And when he drank too much, he could become aggressive.
The assault happened late one night outside a takeaway shop. Siva had been drinking with friends. Ma’a had finished work and stopped to get something to eat. There was an argument. It was over nothing really. A look, a comment, something small that should have gone nowhere.
But Siva punched Ma’a.
Ma’a fell hard and hit the ground. He was taken to hospital with concussion, bruising, and a fractured eye socket. He needed follow-up appointments and had to take time off work. For a while, his vision was affected and he could not drive.
Ma’a said the worst part was how random it was. He had not gone out looking for trouble. He was just getting food after work. Then suddenly he was hurt, embarrassed, and dealing with the consequences of someone else’s drinking.
He was angry about the injury and the time off work, but also about the way it changed how he felt afterwards. He became more cautious going out at night. He found himself watching people more closely. He said it made him feel smaller, in a way, and he hated that.
For Siva, this was the point where he could not keep pretending alcohol was not the problem. It was not the first time drinking had caused trouble, but it was the first time he had seriously hurt someone he did not even know.
Before the restorative justice meeting, Siva had already stopped drinking. He had started an alcohol and drug programme and had signed up for an anger management course. He was also seeing a counsellor, which he said was probably the hardest part, because it meant talking about things he had avoided for years.
He said he did not want to use his childhood as an excuse. He knew Ma’a did not deserve what happened to him. But he also knew that if he did not deal with the drinking, and the anger behind it, something like this could happen again.
Ma’a was unsure about meeting Siva. He did not want to sit in a room and listen to excuses. He did not want to hear that Siva was drunk, or had a hard life, as if that made it alright. He wanted Siva to understand what he had done.
At the conference, Ma’a told Siva what the assault had been like for him. The hospital. The headaches. The worry about his eye. The time off work. The embarrassment of having to explain it to people. He said the whole thing was pointless, and that made it harder to accept.
Siva listened. He apologised and said there was no excuse for punching him. He talked about the drinking, but not to blame it. He said the assault had forced him to look properly at where his life was heading.
He told Ma’a about the alcohol programme, the anger management course, and the counselling. He said he wanted to stop drinking properly, not just while he was in trouble. He said he was tired of waking up ashamed and trying to piece together what had happened the night before.
They talked about reparation. Siva agreed to pay towards Ma’a’s lost wages and other costs. He also agreed to keep going with the courses and provide confirmation that he had completed them.
Ma’a said the apology did not fix what happened. It did not take away the injury or the stress. But it helped to hear Siva say clearly that it was his fault, and that he was doing something about it.
Afterwards, Siva said the meeting was hard. Harder than he expected. He said hearing Ma’a talk about the impact made it real in a different way.
Ma’a still wished it had never happened. But he said he felt better for having said what he needed to say. He also felt some relief knowing Siva was taking steps to change, because he did not want the same thing to happen to someone else.
The meeting did not undo the assault. But it gave Ma’a a chance to be heard, and it gave Siva a chance to face what he had done properly.
I was incredibly nervous before the conference, but having the chance to look the young man in the eye and explain exactly how his actions affected my family was life-changing. I finally got the answers and closure I needed.
The facilitators made me feel safe and heard throughout the entire process. For the first time since the incident, I don’t feel like a helpless victim anymore. It gave me my voice back.
Thank you so much Fiti and Esther for helping us and listening to our voices, we really appreciate you both. Thank you again.
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The increasing cost of living in Aotearoa means some people are experiencing financial barriers to participating in Restorative Justice. We welcome donations, big or small to increase access to justice. Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any questions about this.
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